User blog:Berrybrick/Builder's Block

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Has anyone ever heard this term? I mean, I couldn't have invented it. It's just so obvious. That pun is marvelous, and one can easily attest "pun not intended" in a court of law.

I'm back, doing this again, sort of. I'm afraid that this one will be easier to follow since it actually has a point to it and I'm really trying to bury more thoughts on the surface here, but I've stood in front of rooms of people who looked dumbfounded when I asked them questions like "What do Mickey Mouse, Athena, and Joseph Stalin represent to you?" which was something I thought would be fun and easy, getting them to think about the kinds of people and characters we have ingrained into our culture, but nope. I suppose that nothing means anything if you don't make it so. I really don't care if you do or not, I'm just thinking out loud.

So, I watched this documentary about Pixar once, and they mentioned this concept called second product breakthrough where, essentially, you have to prove that you aren't a one hit wonder to remain in the business. I just wish that I could get it over with with one blow, but I don't seem so lucky. My intentions are different this time though. I have creative block, but need to keep moving. Just keep swimming, just keeping swimming...you know. That song and dance. I was once advised that even if you can't move towards your goals, keep moving to keep your creativity flowing. Write about how hard it is to write if you have to, or just stack bricks in a 2x4 tower like we used to when we were young. Well, that's what I'm doing.

Whatever though. I don't care about that. Writing about how hard writing is is cliche, or so I say. I'm more worried about important things, like have recent Pixar movies been good? I haven't seen one since Brave (I skipped Cars 2) and that was pretty meh. The animation was beautiful, but the story was kind of lacking. And then, time just sort of got away from me, though perhaps I'm just not as excited by them as I used to be. I'd blame it more on the sequel/prequel/Disynergy stuff than anything, I suppose, because I used to love Disney, but now I'm kind of apathetic. Tangled and Wreck-It Ralph, while fine movies, just didn't really do it for me, and neither does the Avengers stuff. I'm behind there too though. Saving Mr. Banks was good, though it wasn't exactly what I'm looking for in a Disney movie. I actually liked John Carter for all its flaws because of a creative premise. Frozen has been my favorite, with immersive animation and a beautiful (if not archetypical) story about empowerment, though, I don't know...I don't even know what I'm talking about or where I'm going with this. I'm just distracting myself...well, no reason not to keep going. I guess I just miss believing in a Disney fairytale, but everything is either sensationalized or hyper-aware now. That isn't escapism for me. I love to laugh during a movie, but I'm not good with straight comedy. I want to forget where I am and who I'm supposed to be for where I could go and who I could be, and that requires some sort of engagement on more than one level, otherwise I get distracted. I don't know what it is that does that. Sometimes it's emotional resonance, sometimes it's cleverness (Hercules fits some of the tropes I have issues with, yet I still appreciate it for its sanitation), and with Frozen I honestly think it might have mostly been the animation. Sometimes it's just nostalgia. It is really bitter when nostalgia is the only reason I can enjoy something, like Mask of Light.

Well, this isn't where I thought I was going at all. I don't know where I am going. I'm lying when I say that I don't know why I've done something. I regret it and I resent it and let it look random, but it's the only way I get to say what I want to say and think what I want to think. Things get so trapped up in my head and are ordered like that one form of the Room of Requirement that I just have to get them down somewhere (that last blog, eh?), but when I get it down, it comes out linearly. I know what I'm saying even if nobody else does and it makes sense to me, even if nobody else, because there is always that one thread I'm untangling. That Disney thing has been bothering me forever. I'm not sure I've figured it out. I have this fear that I need to justify everything, but I don't know why. Not when there is no justice. I don't even know what I believe about justice. I know what I want it to be, the spirit of fairness, but she's blind before us. Fairness is, perhaps, the one thing that we deserve, but she terrifies me. Young, innocent, equitable, kind, wise, non-discriminatory...only she can judge us, but I'm afraid because she doesn't understand us, nor us her. What goddess would that be? Themis or Dikē, I guess...not that it matters. I don't know. I like to think that issues I've had have been around since ancient times, since it was the Greeks who began to discover what man is, but it was the Romans which blindfolded Dikē. I don't blame them. I have a friend who loves Caesar, but I never could. I could never love a tyrant. Lincoln even ties my stomach in a knot when I think about some of the things he did, even if I'm glad he did them. Tyranny is a perversion of fairness, but perhaps it's the closest we have ever come to it. And it frightens me.

Do you know what that reminds me of? John Lennon's "Imagine." I've never liked that song. Sorry. The critiques I have seen do annoy me, saying that it is "impractical" because it "offers no solution" on how to "get rid of heaven and hell" or something stupid like that. It's just saying imagine...imagine that there is nothing worth fighting for, how much better it would make things if we didn't have to appease Lady Justice, so that we could know her at last. And I hate it, and I hate being afraid of her, whether I should be or not. Are our imaginations really so shriveled that we have to imagine ourselves being all the same to get along? Do we have to give up anything that we are passionate about for peace? That isn't compromise. That's comprisal; comprisal of everything that gives us friendships, talent, beauty, individuality, and love, and I couldn't live in a world without those things. You can't have beauty without ugliness, of course, but it's the beauty which makes life worth living, so to me it isn't worth destroying both. It makes a world of plastic. I'll insist that I have no answers, because everything is subjective with me, but maybe lack of imagination is what everything comes down to. I generally find it as corny-as-all-of-the-cheese-puns-I-had-to-remove-from-this-line when LEGO forces those themes upon us, yet, The LEGO Movie was one film that managed to tick the boxes, and make me laugh too, so maybe they are on to something and it's making them rich. Yay capitalism?

There is no god of imagination. There are gods of inspiration and wisdom and love and passionate awakening in droves, but when it comes to imagination, I cannot find one that feels right.... Dionysus is too much liberation with no calculation while Athena, Apollo, and the Muses are more inspiration, exactly what Mr. Lennon (knowingly or not) implied the issue is...only Prometheus comes close, as the one who enlightened mankind, but that isn't his traditional role and more of an interpretation of mine. He isn't the conduit; he's the enabler, the protector. Google searches aren't bringing up anyone in any other pantheons, so it would seem to me that perhaps ancient people didn't believe in imagination, that worlds could come from within them, as much as divine inspiration. Yet, ironically, myths are the ultimate imagination. (And that's why I want to believe them. Or at least I think it is. I can't just like something, I have to justify it to justify myself even though, it honestly isn't so deep; I just like what I like because it appeals to me.) Anyway, you're probably wondering what mythology has to do with anything here? Well, if you are asking that question, nothing for you, but for me, everything. Things are starting to make sense now. I can tell why things in my head feel so wrong, and why I feel so strongly about my own interpretations of Prometheus, Hoenir, Theseus, and every legend who has ever been ground up in my head. That thread is coming unraveled and I realize, at least partially, what I've been trying to say. What I've been trying to do.

And I didn't even consider that that is what was bothering me, but now I see that it is. And I thought it was just low self-esteem. So wish me luck. I don't think it's fair that I have to do this, but it really is. I have to if I want the Labyrinth to unfold my way. Perhaps the difficulty is that I've decided to backtrack a bit...I wasn't planning on doing that for a few months, but things just weren't working. Hm. I could skip ahead like with Cars 2, but that would be like cheating at hopscotch. Besides, I've already done that once...maybe twice, since there was something I decided to add retroactively, but haven't been active enough to go and be retro. I've already got the boogy fever, but I'm afraid of getting sick and just giving up. I've done that. Maybe not so recently, but I've come close. Sometimes the thought that "I'll just quit once this is all over," is all that would get me through the day, but nothing seemed so awful when it was over because it was exactly what I should have been doing. And, besides, I was afraid how Lady Justice would treat me if I quit. I went so long without truly challenging myself, that now it's all I want to do but everything I dread...well, I'll get out of it, hopefully it's exactly what I should be doing.

Thanks for letting me think.

tl;dr: I've been listening to too much dully introspective, melancholic music.

Comments (15)

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CJCBricktastic

114 months ago

Score 1

The reason I don't like "Imagine" (not that I hate it) isn't so much because of the lack of solutions or whatever, its just that I find it a bit dull after a while. Like, its a good 3/5, but I struggle to find the deep masterpiece that everyone else claims it to be.

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AwesomeknightBricktastic

114 months ago

Score 0

Working Class Hero is a bit better imo. Maybe because it's harsher, like reality.

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AwesomeknightBricktastic

115 months ago

Score 0

When John Lennon says "Imagine" in the first stanza, he isn't saying that the lack of heaven and hell is fake. He's saying he wants those who do believe in heaven and hell to stop for a moment and consider, well, "blasphemy." There is no reward and there is no punishment, there's only you. You should do what you enjoy.

In the second stanza, he isn't telling us to imagine we're all the same. He's just telling us to imagine that these things that are made to separate us didn't exist, like countries and religions. Do we really need to kill or die over things like that?

I still don't see any problem with the song. It seems to answer all its criticisms for itself.

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BerrybrickLegendary Brickipedian

115 months ago

Score 0

Since I seem to recall you calling it an atheist song, I'm going to guess that something has changed. :P I already went over that in the blog though, since I agree that that criticism is stupid. I realize it isn't supposed to be practical, and I'm not asking it to be. That isn't my issue with the song.

"The things that make us separate don't exist"

Uh, doesn't that mean we're imagining that we're all the same? I'm asking why we stop the imagining there when we could go further and imagine getting along despite nationality, religion, race, etc. rather than imagine that it doesn't exist. We probably just have different interpretations, and that's fine. I'll admit that the song is noble; I was just musing about the implications of (how I perceive) its message.

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AwesomeknightBricktastic

115 months ago

Score 0

It has atheistic undertones. I think I'd say secular/humanistic would be better words to describe, it now, though.

I think what he meant by it isn't that we should completely get rid of our differences, but to forget about them. Hence the "imagine."

And yeah, we probably have different interpretations. One line that's a big divider is "Imagine no possesions, I wonder if you can." A lot of people were upset over the line because it was said by a rich man. Baby, you're a rich man, too. (Beatles reference. ;) ) In live versions he changed "you" to "we". I think what he meant was that he doesn't think you can because he can't, being a rich man. He has troubles with that.

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BrickfilmNutBuilding Bigger

115 months ago

Score 2

Kind of echoing Soup, Inside Out is really good. I was worried it was going to be overhyped, but no, it really was a lot of fun. You'd probably enjoy it.

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BrickfilmNutBuilding Bigger

115 months ago

Score 0

Also, I'm afraid I'm pretty sure I've heard "Builder's Block" before. :(

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BerrybrickLegendary Brickipedian

115 months ago

Score 0

Oh, okay. I'll try and take a chance to see that.

I'm glad you have, because it's just way too obvious. I wouldn't have called it "marvelous" if I'd thought I invented it. That's too conceited. :P

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NexusAmateur

115 months ago

Score 1

I usually get rid of writers block by watching Sherlock, excellently written at that. Gets me in my happy place. (Except for a constant two year gap between series which is slowly killing me because the series is so good.) I also read old comics or new ones. Although I don't like too many of the new ones, I just wait for the volumes to come out and I read them in that format. Speaking of which the Batman series are pretty good, call me anything but I call it brand loyalism. Scott Snyder is a pretty great writer too. I often wonder how he comes up with this stuff. He probably has a happy place too. (Except my happy place is more British therefore it's better. Unless his is a peaceful slumber inside Big Ben.) Speaking of Big Ben, Doctor Who. Big Ben never sees it out in Doctor Who, it just gets destroyed a lot... What a shame. Reminds me of Sherlock when Big Ben was about to be blown to bits. Makes me think a lot about friendship. Not a lot of cool friends on Flickr really. It also seems like I'm decreasing in popularity or something. It's kinda sad. I guess not that many people appreciate someone's growing talent in LEGO if it's not customizing minifigures with an X-Acto knife and paint. Speaking of which it seems too many people are overrated. Makes me think I'm overrated really. I guess I cannot truly specify what popularity is other than I want to be it but still be humble about it. I guess you can't have both forever, unless you're Shia Laebouf. But I don't feel like putting on a paper bag over my head and yelling "I'm not famous anymore!" Ahh, Shia. What a wonderful human being. Do you ever listen to his "Just do it!" speech? I've listened to it just for laughs but I really feel like it speaks to me on a personal level for some reason I cannot explain.

Speaking of personal level, do you ever just want a girlfriend for no reason sometimes? Just to have someone there? I dunno it's probably just me. I usually end up listening to sad music too. "Irene's theme" from Sherlock is beautiful. And it gets me in my happy place. It seems like my emotions always trace back and forth with that show. Huh. Have you ever thought about how you can have a series over a long period of time whilst the actors aging? I always get nervous about that with Sherlock. Nobody lives forever sadly enough. Makes me think Ms. Hudson will eventually die. 2014-2015 has just been some crap years for my childhood heroes. Seems like all of them are realizing that you've got to be happy you've done what you can to entertain generations of people. The Killing Joke will be Mark Hamill's last performance of The Joker, I hope Kevin Conroy joins along but I secretly know he will. You can't just dismiss the two greatest allies can be the greatest foes so why not team them together one last time? Speaking of Batman and Joker, I don't understand all the critique BvS is getting. It's not even out yet. I guess I can also be to blame because I effectively praise it. Is there really a difference between loving something before it comes out and hating something before it comes out? Seems to be something I think of often. The inception of that idea is driving me nuts...

I'm listening to "Irene's theme" right now for no specific reason... I'm not even sad. The music just kinda fits with any emotion really. I've been home alone all day too so I guess I've been lonely with my thoughts here. I kinda want to watch Sherlock, write, and build at the same time but we all know that's not happening. This song is really great BTW, the violins are phenomenal. It also seems a smoke detector in my house is low on battery because it beeps every minute. It's odd how you can time out the intervals but you forget how many it's been or since the last time you've paid attention to it. It seems to slip through my mind like that. Oh well. This writing method is effective. I've effectively wasted thirty minutes and nobody is home. I'd like to think all of them like died for some sick reason. It gets me really sad too. It makes me think about coincidence. I think I'm going to watch Skyfall now. I'm 100% bored.

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BerrybrickLegendary Brickipedian

115 months ago

Score 1

Yay, something for me to read now!

I've never watched Sherlock. I've heard good things, I just don't watch a lot of TV. Maybe someday, after it's all over and I don't have to worry about hiatuses. I love British humor though. :P

Don't worry about people on Flickr. I know that when you create something you are proud of it, but good or not, it's sometimes difficult to find people who appreciate it. It's just important that you keep making art, since that's how you get better. I don't think that you are overrated.

Ah, I haven't watched Shia's speech, but I've been suggested it before. I'll look it up when I'm done typing all of this. I hope it isn't too demotivational, since I've finally gotten out of my slump from last night. :P

You have a perfectly valid reason for wanting a girlfriend. Probably the best reason; I know a lot of people who I have a hard time respecting because of how they view committed relationships, but wanting to share a bond of understanding is, well, understandable. That's natural.

I didn't even realize how much sad music I listen to until last night. It's not even all sad, some of it is actually uplifting (Sleeping At Last <3), but a lot of it's just so melancholy.

I think there has been a lot of turnaround for BvS. Yeah, it still has its critics and skeptics (both fair and unfair) but the SDCC trailer was good, so I, personally, feel a bit vindicated. I don't know, we'll see.

Yay stream of consciousness! :D

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BrickfilmNutBuilding Bigger

115 months ago

Score 0

Unfortunately, I think sadder music (or angry music, or anything else not overly happy) is just better in the sense that such negative emotions are actually something that one can explore and try to understand. With happiness, you don't really want to know much else other than that you're happy, and happy music doesn't offer much more than that. I guess that's where humorous music comes into play, though.

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BerrybrickLegendary Brickipedian

115 months ago

Score 0

^Yep, I realize that. I just didn't really notice it until last night. I can't stand pop music most of the time, but I actually found myself enjoying "Fight Song" earlier just because I'd been a bit overloaded. I'm sure I'll go back to finding it annoying tomorrow though. :P

Humorous music is good ("Rasputin" is my favorite), though I don't generally throw it in the mix unless it's dark and clever....

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AwesomeknightBricktastic

115 months ago

Score 0

I agree. Darker songs are better. Happiness only works if it's nostalgia or humor.

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BrickfilmNutBuilding Bigger

114 months ago

Score 0

But even nostalgia is kinda sad. :P

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