User blog:Berrybrick/Opine the door
I cannot opine the door. I am terrified of doors. A door killed my entire family. Well, it wasn't the door itself. It was the fire. Someone was like This house is on fire!
(Fire)
(Fire)
This house is on fire!
It's burning on fire!
This house is on fire!
And that door just wouldn't open. Dark, maybe, but fire makes it light. I can see a way. I can see a wave.
Water is dark. Get it right.
Erm. Yeah. Just pounding away at this keyboard. Being productive. Woo. Because productivity. And I would muse about the things that amuse me, but I fear that this won't latch on. Maybe it shouldn't latch on. If all of the fish caught on, what would we have to eat? At least, what would we have to eat after we feasted? And that, men and women, is why vegetarianism. Not vegan ism sim sim sims ijlk;a;ljl;jkl;ja;slkdjfl;dak;jshlgeajsk;oue'qqwblkhj';NBKJ
So, opining. Reviews. Fish. Catching on. Amusement. Doot doo dodo dodo dod od dodod dod dod This girl is on fire!
Reviews. This is about reviews. If you can't tell, fantabulous for me: it just means that I can make stuff up and have it lauded for its engimatigamy.
But reviews. Opining the door. Fire. Fish. Long ago, the four superthemes lived together in harmony, but then everything changed when the Mini-Dolls attacked. And thus, the Battle of Heartlake. War! War unto your house! Fire unto that girl! Water unto that board! Air unto my lungs! Earth unto my garden!
How do we go about this? How do we present our opinions without preaching them? Because I'm tired at talking at people when I could be talking with someone, you see? But I be me. He, but me. So I am you. We is me.
https://nypdecider.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/squidwards.gif
So I monologue with myself about reviewing. If you find something useful, go ahead and use it. If not, don't. Despite me inevitably resorting Godwin's law because ethics, I don't really care what you do when you review....
Well, that's not entirely true. I am overthinking all of this, but if your review does not help me, does not tickle my fancy, does not get me going "oh my aliens must exist because you, good sir, are not alone"*. But, basically, a lot of reviews have a tendency to turn into apologetics. Like, laygoes are expensive, so justify your thesis, certain that you need this? Tell me what your point is in defense. Ha, obscure references. But a good review doesn't...er. This is getting hard to articulate. It's formless. I can't tell you what a good review looks like. So I can't tell you how to write one. :/ Let's try this....
Fangirls, unite. For tonight we recognize Red Skull for the giant woobie he is. He didn't want to be a supremacist terrorist dictist. No, he just wanted to help Nazi Germany advance their studies of genetics so he could get some good skin cream. See? He's not really a bad guy. He's just got bad skin. Can't you relate? Wouldn't you do the same?
http://i.makeagif.com/media/8-05-2015/N8c8IV.gif
No, I wouldn't do the same. This isn't about why Red Skull is. It's about what Red Skull is. And that's a terrible human being. If the why checks out, that doesn't mean the what does. Make sense? Don't confuse things; that's what, I think bothers me.
Sure, they go well together. Emotion told me that something was wrong with the way I see reviews done (and sometimes write them) and Reason is that therapist at the couch going "Is this it? No? Then what about this?" But that doesn't work if you go in confusing the two. If I had the same emotional response and none of the explanation, my conclusion would be that most reviews are just simply bad. Sturgeon's law (ew). Instead of "reviews are bad", the response I am seeing is "LEGO is good". And that's it. No exploration. Great. That doesn't make the fact that "there was no better way" to do something excusable if it is still ugly, inaccurate, or whatever. Inaccuracy is still inaccuracy, ugliness is still ugliness. It's not like they haven't surprised us with inventive solutions before.
So, basically, avoid apologetics at all costs, no matter what, er, costs you've already paid. Because money is at stake. (And sometimes vampires, though not since Monster Fighters was retired.)
So, in a a good review is not:
- What is logically correct based on a subjective bond (the medium is limited, but I like the medium, so I'll give it a pass)
And that goes for the flipside:
- What is emotionally correct based on an "objective" bond. Like "this set don't meat the requirements for feminist bingo, ergo, rant"
So be subjective. Be emotional. Just be honest about it. Spare the justification. Spare the politics. Don't make a big deal out of nothing, but don't make nothing out of a big deal. Remember that blue is blue, ugly is ugly, opinion is opinion, and fact is fact. Let your feelings be your own, but your observations remain true. Liking a set is an emotional response, so let that influence you. Just let people know, and keep them from blinding you either way. And I think that's the most ethical way to go about it. Though the example is incongruous (and it is a really insignificant distinction between right and wrong; it doesn't make a bad person in any amount, at least not in these circumstances). Ahem.
Also, ratings are bad. They are inconsistent and scientifically not really useful. It's more useful to sum up what's good and what's bad than to slap somewhat arbitrary numbers down, when they have to read at least something to understand why you think that and make an informed opinion (which is the entire point of a review).
If you want an entirely objective review, that's what our descriptions are for. Don't do that either.
So, ta-da! Yay you me I her it hi ugh!
http://25.media.tumblr.com/ae92ff273d972eb123c67eafe4bd7107/tumblr_mowxe989yb1s4yfn5o1_500.gif
Of course, there is still the threat of bad writing in general. And icky boredom. Here's something that might shock you: I think that standards of length are arbitrary. If you need to keep your review short just to keep people interested, then it can't be written well. Sure, writing too much is bad writings too, but if reviews are about informing opinions, inform opinions. And don't be boring.
Which is hard if you haven't got a snappy internet voice. I myself lapse into disquieted analysis most of them time. So what do you do?
No idea. For this blog I ripped off BuzzFeed.
But how do you stay focused while being entertaining?
Ha, ha. Not a clue, good sir. You have come to the wrong mister. I don't do either of those things. So just write, I guess. But think about it? Maybe? To go above and beyond?
But, if you wanna know, the stuff about fish above was a symbol for entertainment, and all of the BuzzFeed stuff was me being ironic.
Wait.
I did that.
I'm one of those people. ._.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/4693870/why-do-my-nostrils-whispers-to-me-o.gif
*I can totally rework that into a pickup line. "Oh my, honey, aliens must not exist or else you'd be abducted by now." "Hey gurl, you ain't eva gonna be alone cuz I'll be ur alien." Eh, it'll come to me when I need it.
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